Big-Headed of Him?

This is an incredibly short piece of fiction that I literally wrote today. I was bored at lunch and had eaten maybe a little too much cheese. The result? A really random, very short first draft of flash fiction.

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Pete strummed the final chord of the song that he had been working on for months. For a moment he just stood there, letting the atmosphere disperse. With a nervous look on his face, he looked up to see the other four band members looking at him.

When Pete had learned that the band had lost its lead guitarist and was hoping for a new one, he had jumped at the chance. The group was a well-known one, and its schedule was completely booked: It was running multiple gigs and was even performing as the last act at the prom next month. As such, Pete had the jitters. Was he a good enough guitarist? Did he fit in with the others? And most importantly, did they think he could replace their friend?

Dan, the lead singer, opened his mouth and began talking.

"Pete, we really appreciate your attempt, but the facts stand for themselves. You're not a good enough guitarist, you don't fit in and you simply can't replace our good friend Steve. You have potential, but you aren't right for us. Go home."

Pete's brow furrowed in frustration; then his face turned bright red. Before Dan's eyes, Pete's face went as red as a beetroot and - "No," said Dan, "This can't be happening," - his head began to inflate. As Pete's head grew, his face turned redder and redder until Dan was sure that he couldn't look redder if he had had a tin of scarlet paint poured on him.

"AAARGGH!" cried Pete in anguish. He hated it when this happened. It was uncomfortable, plus he thought it made him look silly.

When Pete's head was approximately the same size and shape as the space-hopper that sat in the corner of the room, the swelling stopped. The band gaped in awe at the incredible spectacle before them. The drummer pinched himself. The bass guitarist looked into the glass he was holding. What the heck had been in that orange juice?

After a moment's amazed silence, Dan spoke up.

"Actually, Pete, this may work in our favour. Does this happen whenever you get extremely irritated?"

Pete nodded sheepishly. Needless to say, with a head the width of an elephant, this was a sight for sore eyes.

"Well, you see, we happen to get some trouble from hecklers..."

As Pete deflated, he broke into a smile. Maybe he wasn't all that skilled at guitar playing, but he had talents in other areas. And now, that had paid off. He was part of a band.

Unnoticed by Pete, his chest had begun to expand. With alarming speed, his torso became a big red balloon.

"Uh-oh," said Dan. "How's he going to get out the door?"

March 2012 Update

If you're a reader of my main blog, 'A Whole Different Kettle of Fish', then you'll know that each month I write updates to inform those of you who are actually interested as to what's been happening. Usually this is only read by those who've gone on a long holiday, or simply have some time to spare. I guess that's what this blog's here for (he said, with obvious doubt and evident sarcasm in his voice). So, anyway...

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As of the end of today, the Journal has been going for 14 days (two weeks). It's a young thing yet, but I'm sure that it'll flourish in the rain-leached soil that is Blogger. Despite a sure lack of sunlight, this plant will spread its wings and fly off. "Plants with wings?" you cry. "He must be mad." I ask you to remember what the title of this blog is. Plus, it's a special plant.

So, I should probably say what's been going on in the two weeks I've been active. Well, first of all, I've made myself at home by redecorating and importing some furniture, i.e. some gadgets for the sides. I quite like my current setup, but please feel free to contact me with a query or suggestion at any time via the given email address. In case you haven't spotted it yet, it's pisces.kettle@yahoo.com. Enjoy speaking to me.

I've also managed to avoid feeding you any actual work in the form of poems (yeuch, poetry) short stories or excerpts from novels. That shall change, however one must take into account the imminent event that it is Script Frenzy, for which I still don't have a concrete idea or location. But I'm working on it. I swear to thee that I be working upon it most intently. I shall not deviate from my path. (Oh look. A squirrel!)

So what are my aims for the coming month? Well, firstly I'll actually give you a story or excerpt or something. I'll also continue to talk of my Screnzy plans. Expect Screnzy to take over my life in April. If I don't post here, it's because I'm frantically scripting a TV series. At least that's what I hope to be doing.

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So now you know what's happening here, and have a brief, shaky idea of what will be happening soon. And now... March stretches out before me! I must make haste and do... something. I don't know what yet, but writing sounds like a good place to start.

Planning for the coming month,
   An Insane Creature

A Solution to Writer's Block?

I was, as per usual, wandering around the world at large yesterday, when I came across a very interesting idea. This idea came in a very small box and contained nine rather unusual die. And, needless to say, I love them.

I'm aware that I haven't really told you what this thing is. Well, let me tell (and show) you.



The above picture shows a boxful of 'Rory's Story Cubes'. The idea behind them is that you roll each cube, therefore revealing a picture or pictogram of some sort on the top face. Then you're supposed to link all nine pictures together in a story of sorts. Supposedly, the Cubes are a toy/game for kids and adults alike. Personally, though, I like to think of them as a tool. A tool for writers.

If you've ever done a spot of writing, whether it be for a short story, novel, screenplay etc., you'll probably be aware that Writer's Block can be a big problem. The apparent inability to gain ideas, find the right words and phrase it all correctly is in many respects very difficult indeed, which is possibly why so many people complain about Writer's Block so often. Most of the time, you just need a bit of time doing something else. But sometimes we ourselves must locate a stimulus to kick start our imaginations. I believe that these 'Story Cubes' can be that stimulus.

The simple randomness of the pictures on each face of each cube, and how they somehow manage to knit together, is a minor miracle in itself. These cubes could so easily be just the right way to bring a fantastic idea into one's head. In fact, they are. I know, 'cause I've used them. Now I have a great idea for a crime/humour novel/short story thing - I'm not all that sure yet as to what it'll become - and I believe I can bring each element presented by the cubes into the story, too. (FYI: I rolled a padlock, a key, a mask/alien face, a house, the Earth, a crescent moon, a fish, a hand and something else which I have, rather conveniently, completely forgotten.)

Sometimes, flash inspiration just happens. In the right environment, it can occur very easily. In this case, it's only a roll of the die away...

Dramatics dispensed with, all you really need to make these things work their magic is a pen, some paper, a bit of imagination and the cubes themselves. And maybe a table. Even then, you can easily dispense with the table, paper and pen if you're willing to accept that you may forget the outcome of the rolls. On my first use, I could tell from the off that I wouldn't be able to make a proper short story containing all the symbols, so I went in for writing an introduction. So far, my idea's still in the design phase, but once I've developed it a little more I should have something pretty good.

Thanks to these little gems, I'm on the road to having another story under my belt. Of course, with inspiration like that available simply with the flick of a wrist and the unclenching of some fingers, I'm going to have to buy a set myself. They are, however, a little on the expensive side. At ten quid, you do expect quality products for your money, and I would have to say that they really are very good. Even so, they are a bit pricey for the discerning writer... But I must have them!

I'm including a pair of links in this post, one leading to the Amazon.co.uk page and the other to the 'Rory's Story Cubes' site. If I were you, and you happened to be in need of a really fine tool for getting that spark of inspiration, then I'd go in for this. Buy them. They really are brilliant.

Amazon page: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Creativity-Hub-Rorys-Story-Cubes/dp/B003NFJMBM/ref=sr_1_1?s=kids&ie=UTF8&qid=1330536553&sr=1-1

Rory's Story Cubes website: http://www.storycubes.com/

Good luck with getting inspiration, folks. And, as a final remark, I should probably add that I'm not and will hopefully never be a) a salesman or b) an advertiser of any sort. I would also like to say that if you're an English teacher, I'd reccommend them for use in schools.

Get inspired, get the plot straightened out, get that novel written!
   An Intrigued Author

Scriptwriting Software...

With around 31 days until that lovely, bubbly roller coaster ride of terror begins, I have finally located a piece of software suited to my needs. The criteria that had to be met turned out to be a) does it work? and b) can it format my script for me? alongside c) need I pay anything for it?

Thankfully for me, I located one that answered with Yes, Yes and No. (Being a complete miser, I hate to pay anything at all.) The name of this program? 'Celtx'.

Being in some ways kind of similar to every other type of writing software there is, Celtx is a piece of software designed to be a useful tool for the budding writer. With templates for 'novel', 'audio play', 'screenplay' and more, it's slightly basic in its layout but has a respectable range of features. The program itself is completely free, although you can buy extras for certain amounts of money. This, I have not done. Apart from anything else, the payment is in US dollars. I don't do dollars. Except for sand dollars...

So now I'm experimenting about with my lovely new software. I'm halfway through the middle of an audio play (see the original 'The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy' for an audio/radio play) in which a medical experiment sort of gets loose and, although failing to cause harm, succeeds in inspiring panic in its creator. It should be rather short when complete.

But that's not the point of the exercise. The story there may be nice, and might even get previewed here, but the real point is to get comfortable with it. It'll take a bit of time to wear a groove into the earth, but it'll occur eventually.

Off to write more audio madness,
   An Insane Scriptwriter.

A Grand Opening

Having moved on past the minor crisis of not yet having a name to put to my script, I've now gotten to the actual planning part. Now I am not one of those people who enjoys planning to the excess. (Note that that sentence can have two meanings. I'm implying both.) I generally take it as it comes, letting the creative juices flow. Except I can't really do that here. Not with Screnzy.

The thing about Screnzy, or what I think about Screnzy so far, is that you probably have to plan your story out before going on to write the damn thing. I have no problem with planning, it's just that I... lack in ideas at times. This time round, I'm lacking in a suitable opening for my big TV series.

Now I've already asked about a venue from which to spring a time gate, or temporal portal, and I have had a few responses to that - not that I can name anybody. New to my 'list' of locations is the Arc de Triumph in Paris. I'm also wondering about creating my own monument for my own personal purposes. However, it's not the location that troubles me at present. It's the opening itself.

I can't get hold of a single idea right now, or at least, not an idea that I can see working. Here's what my thought process to date seems to have been:

"Chaos on Tower Bridge. People like chaos, and Tower Bridge is workable. Me like."

"Wait, me no like so much. Tower Bridge isn't quite as accessible as I thought. Plus, the opening-bridge-thing doesn't open as far as I would want it to. Great. Now I have to start over."

"Ooh, what about this? Create my own monument. Then have chaos and running and screaming. But what's the source of this chaos? It would be silly to be scared of blue arcs of electricity leaping from a stone archway, wouldn't it?"

"Include an assassination, maybe. That sounds promising. But who to kill, and why would a temporal gateway open up? Gr, this is harder than I thought...

And the most recent development is that maybe it's not a monument at all, but a sculpture instead in the middle of some odd sculpture garden. I'm getting real annoyed at myself now...

In answer to the ideas swarming my head, I'm putting up a poll. Vote for which idea you think is best, one of either:

• Tower Bridge
• The Gateway Arch
• The Arc de Triumph
• A Sculpture-Arch
• A Nonexistent Monument of My Own Creation

If all readers could partake, that would be much appreciated. This being the biggest design issue facing me right now, I think it's best to ask the wider community.

Going mad,
   A really rather Irate Author

Names! Argh!

Argh! Argh! Argh!

Yes, it's that time again. Time to create a name for my Screnzy script. Unfortunately for me, I'm all out of ideas.

Naming is not something that comes naturally to me. I'm a fickle creature: I'll pick a manageable working title and go with it for a while before changing it, then I'll repeat the whole process. So what I want to know is: How the heck do I choose the right title?

Choosing the right title can be difficult. It's a very trivial thing to be thinking about at this stage, but it must be thought about nonetheless. Unless, of course, one is writing for oneself, in which case one can be conservative and leave out the whole title malarkey. I am not, in this case, writing for myself.

Sometimes, a title will jump out at you from a body of text, whereas others (and this is the more common, in my case at the very least) must be slowly excavated over time. There is an art in delicately unravelling a good but subtle title, I think. But right now, I NEED A TITLE! And I can't find one!

The problem is Screnzy. I need a title for using with my Screnzy script. It doesn't want to come out of hiding. I'd rather like one that isn't too cheesy, but a bit mystical and makes you think, "What's that about?". (If you haven't already seen it, look at my prior posts to do with Screnzy.) I'm considering several options right now. Here's the current list:

• Yesterday's Tomorrow - implies something to do with time, maybe also travelling through it, but it seems to have a link to a Star Trek episode. Hmph.
• The Door - pretty true to the premise of the story, but it seems too much like the name of the band and a short story you'd find in among Edgar Allan Poe's complete works.
• Timegate - maybe a little forward, plus it puts me in mind of 'Stargate', which is now an old, old thing.

See, I have a shortlist, but I'm really not too keen on any of them so far. The script's most likely going to be a TV series, so I want something short and sweet that's memorable and unconnected to other things. Any ideas? Contact me, or leave a comment.

I'll just run off and tear my hair out now.

Regards,
   A Title-Crazed Author

Other Screnzy Folk

It appears that my posts actually do get read by some of you humanoid beings, as suddenly I've recieved the news that my colleague Rinrei is joining me for the frenzy. Wonderful. It seems I have the unusual ability to spread my craziness. It's contagious, I tell you. Quarantine me.

In fact, don't, because I'm really rather looking forwards to Script Frenzy. If you're going to lock me away, at least do me the honour of giving me a laptop, an internet connection and  trusty scriptwriting software. Or, alternatively, shove two hundred sheets of ruled paper through the door with a packet of biros attatched. Please?

Well, I'll be taken away to a top secret prison right underneath the Tower of London now. Maybe I'll get a good view of Tower Bridge... But not if I'm underground, right? Sigh.

Planning for Screnzy,
   A particularly contagious Insane Author.

Tower Bridge or the Gateway Arch?

Whistle, whistle, whistle, we're getting closer to Screnzy by the day. 41 days to go. So it seems that it's time to get my act together and write up some ideas.

I already have one or two thoughts on what I shall be writing about. It's probably best if I just hand you my logline on a silver platter. Here you go.

In the near future, Tower Bridge becomes a temporal portal, meaning people can walk forwards or backwards one day in time.

That's really all you need to know.

The idea is one that's been tugging at the back of my mind like a toddler pulls on his mother's skirts - it wants attention, and it wants it now. Of course, this particular toddler isn't hungry or thirsty or requires the latest in teddy bear technology. Instead, it just wants to be written out. Find me a toddler who wishes to be 'wriiten out', and I'll award you a prize. A sur-prize.

So far, that's pretty much all I have. I could substitute London's Tower Bridge for, maybe, St Louis' Gateway Arch, but tell me the truth: Which is the more iconic, cliched of the two? Have a look, see for yourselves.


 

Yeah, you're right. Probably Tower Bridge. However, I do like the prospect of using the Gateway Arch. I would feel less guilty about blowing it sky-high, for one. Plus, it's taller. 630 feet, to be precise. (I'm an expert on the Gateway Arch. Been there, done that, got the bookmark. Literally.) And also, I don't have the problem of placing the damn time gate either. Where exactly do I place a two-dimensional time gate on Tower Bridge? Probably between the road and the supporting beam thingies joining the towers, I guess.

Any of you lot out there have opinions? I would be more than happy to recieve them. That's not to say that I'll take them into account though. Drop an idea in the comments section or send me an email at: pisces.kettle@yahoo.com.

Thank you. Now, what are the pros and cons of each...?

N.B. I did, eventually, get past the 'doubting oneself' stage of selecting an environment, and decided to go for Tower Bridge.

How'd You All Find Me?

Yeah, I'm talking to you. The sane ones, supposedly. I have a question. How'd you all find me?

There appears to be a fair number of you people, all peeking at my blog. Rest assured, I'll be posting stories (and ideas for them) soon enough. I'll not be posting anything particularly revolutionary out there. After all, some of you may be plagiarists. Yes, I'm looking at you, Matt. No, I'm not forgiving you for stealing my motto.

In short, thanks. If you're enjoying my mad ramblings so far, please either a) see a special doctor or b) subscribe, either via the usual method or by email using the 'subscribe by email' bar that should be appearing at the bottom of this page very soon indeed.

Expect to see some changes to the design as I continue to develop this home for myself, the cuckoo writer. Also, maybe somebody should keep track of how many different synonyms I can find for 'crazy writer'.

Write to live, live to write.

Regards,
   A Crazy Writer

NaNo and Screnzy - What the Heck?

I've already made one reference to NaNo, and another to Screnzy, and I wouldn't blame you one lepton (elementary particles, people!) if you hadn't a clue what I was talking about. So, if I'm to use abbreviations, I'd better explain exactly what they are an abbreviated form of, as well as what the full term refers to. Let's do that by telling a story.

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Once upon a time, some very crazy people had a very crazy idea - a whole month dedicated to writing a novel. The challenge created was christened 'NaNoWriMo', short for 'National Novel Writing Month'. Needless to say, it's an American idea and started on the west coast somewhere. Anyway, since its creation it's become an international phenomenon spanning a very wide selection of countries and attracting several hundred thousand crazy writers, myself included.

The challenge? Write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November, and the month of November only. Last year, I decided that the Tree of Insanity that spreads its invasive roots throughout my very being could be nurtured with a big lump of NaNoWriMo. I'll probably talk about my getting involved with the madness at some point, but today is not that day. Maybe.

Now, after the apparent success of NaNo, somebody decided that a sister project should be run. Instead of writing a novel of 50K words though, the aim would be to draft 100 pages of original scripted material for anything that may require a script, and it was made to run in April instead of November. Named 'Script Frenzy' (or 'Screnzy' for short), it too has been notably successful in recent years.

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Now you know what NaNo and Screnzy are, I shall now talk of my own involvement in the projects.

The first time I took part in NaNoWriMo was last year (2011, for those of you who forget and can't count). I took part in NaNo (as it's called by us lazy crazies) and, surprisingly enough, won. Not bad for a newbie. (And don't even ask about what I win - I'll explain some other time.) Admittedly, it was a by-the-skin-of-my-teeth victory, but it was a victory nonetheless.

That's not to say that there wasn't a cost. There was no fee as such, but it caused me some grief trying to explain it to everyone I told about it, plus I went several nights near sleepless. Then there was the fact that you have to get on with the rest of your life in the meantime, which is somewhat hassling. I should probably inform you that, assuming you don't miss out any days at all throughout the 31 day period of November, that means you must write at least 1,667 words per day if one wishes to succeed at NaNo. With other commitments, that proves tough. I've already agreed to take part in the 2012 NaNo. That's one whole month set aside for writing. And now I've gone and doubled that time.

Two words: Script Frenzy. After recently learning of its somewhat mythical and untouchable existence, I had a moment of inspiration mixed with a larger-than-usual dose of madness that conspired to make me sign up to Screnzy. This means that I have effectively consigned myself to death by typewriter. I haven't the foggiest idea as to what I should do with Screnzy. I have an idea, all right, but only for a somewhat-shaky plot. That's all. I have no prior experience in writing scripts, nor do I have the proper software to write them with. What this means for me is that either I'll a) spend the next forty days or so reading the How-To guides with frantic franticness and download some sort of scriptwriting software or (and this is the more likely of the two options) b) I'll be shot down in a blaze of glory brought on by ludicrous inexperience, scripting dreams going down with me. Frankly, I hoped for better.

If some evil scientist were to plonk me at the start of April at this very instant, I would most likely die. I rate my chances of succeeding with my current knowledge as 32%. However, I have 43 days to learn. Let's hope I get the chance to put those 43 days to good use. If not, then Lord help me...

Making preparations for the oncoming April storm,
   An Insane Author